Butterhill Prom Aftermath

“Don’t worry. You can chill here until the drama blows over. My family loves you!” Ditto unlocked the front door to his house.
“Your mom is out of town, your dad is at his restaurant, and your little sister has a crush on me,” Kelly said.
“Were my parents here, they’d still love you.”
“Not once they find out about the baby. Like everyone else is going to.”
“Hey, that wasn’t your fault! Milton is like a freakin’ bloodhound. He smelled it on you, or something.”
“I’m surprised Principal Miller didn’t find out first. You should have seen the way he looked at me in the bathroom that day.”
“I can picture it. Trust me. He gives me the creeps.”
Ditto and Kelly climbed the dark stairs to the second floor.
“Julie’s probably out like a light, but just in case, let’s stick to my room,” Ditto whispered.
They locked themselves in Ditto’s cave of a room. It was a cave mainly because of how dank and pungent it was. Kelly eyed the piles of clothes strewn everywhere, and cringed.
“When’s the last time you did laundry?” He muttered.
“What year is it?”
Kelly rolled his eyes.
“Sorry if the sheets aren’t particularly hotel standard, but you can take my bed.”
“Ditto, I’m not gonna’ take…”
“Take it. I haven’t slept in the hammock in ages. And the bed’s better for your back. Anyway, sit down already. My feet hurt just looking at you,” he said, unbuttoning his vest.
Kelly obliged, easing himself onto the one free spot of the junk-laden bed. He began removing his coat, then glanced around.
“Ditto, you wouldn’t happen to have anything to sleep in that’s more…my size?”
“Well, as long as you don’t mind it smelling like my dad, I got ya’ covered.”
Ditto walked off down the hallway, leaving Kelly to his own devices. He pulled most of the tux off, at least the top half, leaving him only with a ridiculously stretched out undershirt. The baby, having been previously lulled to sleep by the near mile-long walk from the school to Ditto’s house, woke and gave a swift kick to Kelly’s ribcage. He sighed, rubbing the spot where he felt the blow land. He stared down at his expansive stomach; it was still so surreal.
“I’m sorry,” he found himself saying, “I should’ve tried harder to protect you. Now it’s too late. Everyone knows, and…I don’t know what’ll happen to you. But I won’t stop fighting for you, even if things get hard. I promise. I…I love-”
“Clothes!” Ditto burst back into the room, and threw a t-shirt and lounge pants onto the already-chaotic bed.
“Great. Thanks,” Kelly said, hastily wiping his face.
Ditto raised an eyebrow. “Everything cool?”
Kelly shrugged, slipping off the undershirt. He could feel Ditto’s eyes on him. “Please don’t stare,” he said.
“I think we both know that’s a little…impossible,” Ditto said.
“Try, okay? I’ve had enough staring to last a lifetime.”
“Can I feel it?”
“Are you kidding?! No way! I already feel like a freak, I’m not going to let you-”
Then he noticed Ditto was doing his puppy-dog guilt stare, bottom lip jutting out in a pitiful pout. Kelly was putty in his hands, and Ditto knew it. The pregnant boy groaned, rolling his eyes.
“Fine. You get five seconds. Don’t make it weird.”
“When have I ever been known as weird?” Ditto smirked.
He knelt in front of Kelly, placing his hands on either side of his stomach. “Whoa…that’s a lot of stretchmarks.”
“Ditto, I swear to-” Kelly gasped as the baby jerked violently under his skin.
“Sick!” Ditto said, his eyes enormous as his grin. “I felt that!”
“Yeah, I bet,” Kelly breathed.
“So, can you ever tell if it’s a hand or a foot?”
“Nah. It could be an elbow, for all I know.”
“I read in that book that it’s possible the baby can actually hear things. Do you talk to it?”
“Sometimes,” Kelly blushed.
Ditto leaned closer to the bump, “There once was a man from Nantucket-”
“Aaand, we’re done here,” Kelly said, shoving him away.  
“You’re no fun,” Ditto sighed, “Just like when you didn’t want to do the betting pool.”
“I am not going to gamble over the sex of my baby.”
“You’re just scared of losing. I know it’s going to be a girl. I was there. I mean, the embryo was kinda small, and seeing the blood made me a little dizzy, but I’ve still got $100 on it being a girl.”
“Who are you betting with?!”
“Myself! Because you’d be a sore loser, anyway.”
“God, you’re hopeless.”
Kelly slipped the provided nightshirt over his head, finding it incredibly roomy. Realizing he was still only half undressed, he attempted to bend over to get to the laces on his shoes, to no avail. He peered up, looking at Ditto’s poor attempt at trying not to laugh.
“Don’t worry,” he snorted, “I’ve got you.”
Ditto flung the shoes somewhere in the room, no doubt they would be completely lost until morning. Without Kelly even having to ask, Ditto helped him stand to remove the tux pants, a favor which Kelly privately appreciated. He peered across the room, spotting an iguana in a sandy terrarium.
“Hey,” Kelly chuckled, “is that Max?”
“Huh? Oh, yeah. Of course. But you know Max, right?”
“Yeah, I just feel like I haven’t seen him in a while.”
Kelly stuck his hand into the tank, petting the lizard’s head.
“He kind of escaped,” Ditto said, “I thought he was dead, then I found him a while later in a heating duct. He seemed alright.”
“I thought he was dead, too. Isn’t he really old?”
“Going on eighteen. Lookin’ pretty good for his age.”
“Remember when you brought him for show-and-tell? Third grade?”
“And the teacher fainted? Best day ever!”
“How long do you think Max will keep truckin’?”
“My parents say he might die before I go to college.”
“A lot of people might die before you go to college,” Kelly smirked.
“Hardy har, mister valedictorian. We can’t all be superstars.” Ditto lightly socked Kelly’s arm.
A nostalgic, honey-eyed look washed over Ditto’s face.
“Remember the day we met?”
Kelly rolled his eyes. “It’s scarred into my mind.”
“Second grade, I was new, didn’t know anyone, walked up to you and said ‘hi’,”
“I said ‘put your clothes back on before you get in trouble’.”
“Yeah,” he sighed, “Good times. We’ve come a long way. Though I’d probably still go around in my underwear if someone asked.”
“Oh please. You’d do it if no one asked.”
“True, but especially if Candy asked.”
Kelly’s smile fell, “Sorry you didn’t get the special dance you wanted.”
“Well, if you think I’m even slightly deterred from still wooing my blue-haired angel, you are sadly mistaken!”
“I still have no clue what you see in her,” Kelly said.
“Cupid works in mysterious ways, my good man.”
“Don’t I know it…”
Ditto grabbed a bundle of used clothes off the floor, balling it up into a pillow-like stack, and jumped in the hammock that hung from his ceiling. Once under the blanket, he pulled off every piece of his tux and chucked it to the floor.
“Are you seriously sleeping nude, man?”
“No! I’ve got underwear on! I’m not a monster.”
“Oh, that’s completely different…”  
“Shoot, forgive my bad hosting. Do you want anything? Water? Snacks? The entire pickle jar from my fridge? You name it, it’s yours. You’ve had a rough night.”
“Thanks, Ditto, but I’m actually more on the queasy side right now,” Kelly sighed, laying back on the bed, shoving off several piles of clothes.
“Ah, the old nighttime morning sickness. Can I get your designated puke pan and leave the bathroom light on?”
“No, no. Not like that. It’s just…everyone knows about the baby, now.”
“Let’s not exaggerate, Kel. A good chunk of the Butterhill High attendees knows.”
“Any you seriously think it’ll stop with them?! This is a small town, Ditto! Someone is bound to get to my parents before I do, and they are going to flip!”
“I hate to be brutally honest, bud, but I’m a little surprised they don’t already know.”
“At least Jimmy can’t blackmail me anymore. I can get my car back. Not that I’ll be leaving my room until I’m thirty.”
“Oh, well if you’re not using it-”
“Can’t have my car, Ditto.”
“Anyway, you can’t not leave your room. You have to have the kid at some point, and it won’t be a natural delivery. This I know.”
“Great. Thanks for the talk,” Kelly sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.  
He rolled over in the bed, facing away from Ditto, and turned off the lamp.
“Hey,” Ditto said.
“What, Ditto?” Kelly sighed.
“I’ve got your back.”
Kelly awkwardly rolled back over. “What?”
“Look, I’m not one to bolt in the face of adversity. You should know me well enough to know that a little public shaming won’t scare me away. Kelly, if you need me, really need me, I’d drop everything. I mean it.”
Kelly considered this, and grinned. “Thanks, man. Seriously.”
Ditto nodded. “Besides, I’ve been learning so much about all this. You gotta let me be your doula.”
“My what?”
“Doula. You know, your coach. For when you-”
“No. No, no, no. Not in a million years!” He gruffly rolled back over.
“Pleeeease! It’d be so awesome, Kel! I’ll owe you for life!”
“No! Go to sleep!”  
He heard Ditto sigh, and shift around in the hammock. Kelly mulled it over, considering how much Ditto had already sacrificed for him, and that even now he was technically harboring the town fugitive. Ditto really was his best friend, whether he liked it or not. Kelly hated himself for what he was about to say.
“I’ll consider it.”
“Really?!”
“Yeah,” he breathed. “Even if you won’t really be doing much, you do technically know more about all this than me. Possibly more than Uncle Theus. So, you can be my…doula, if you want.”
“Yes! I am psyched.”
“Well,” Kelly sighed, “that makes one of us.”